It is super scary to step out of hiding. I picture myself standing just inside a cave, where the light is seeping in. Freedom is just on the other side, and nothing is stopping me from leaving, except for myself.
Wave after wave of “what if’s” come crashing into the opening of the cave and I close my eyes and hold my breath. Dozens of ideas come through me, and I file them away in a folder in my phone list, no good. Already having made myself vulnerable in my previous posts, I realize that now it’s time to make that leap, find my focus…but fear holds me down. It keeps me inside where it’s safe.
Fear is supposed to make us grow, but the only way it succeeds in doing so, is if we face it. How can I ask my children to be brave and do difficult things when I cower and let fear hold me back from some of the simplest of tasks.
Fear has kept me from publicly sharing a photo of me and the person I hold most dearly.
Our relationship, our identities, the family we’ve built, the values we hold; these are all things for which I am so thankful and proud. My wife and I rarely get pictures together aside from a selfie, and we haven’t yet had that dreamy couple photog session. My mom snapped this picture of us and it just captured the pure happiness and love that any couple would love to rush to Facebook and gush over. Before I could even figure out the perfect words to go along with it for a post, I deleted it. Before I even hit publish I already had critics and disapproving voices in my head. This is the same thing that happens every time I begin to see a plan come into focus for this blog. I know what I want to say but I’m scared.
Two things are being accomplished here.
First, I’m publishing this totally gorgeous picture of us because, I love it. And because worrying about the what if’s really scare me, but I gotta dip my toe in the water sometime. My first step out of my comfortable cave is to put up this photo.
Second, I’m ready to make the leap. Topics will vary but be based around my little large family, and can include many things ranging all the way from recipes and paint projects to parenting advice, being gay (cause that’s what I am 🤷🏻♀️), and everything in between.
This is me, one step closer to freedom.